Have you ever felt the feeling of wanting to know what really your use in this world is? I feel it everyday.
I am sitting here beside our window. From here, I can see nothing because it’s dark out. My sister and our dog are sleeping next to me. I can’t sleep because of the thoughts that keep on bothering me. There are a lot of things that are going in and out of my mind. I feel empty and useless these past few days. I also feel hate towards random people and random things. I feel frustrated. I can’t do anything right. I keep on messing things up. Most especially when it comes to dealing with my mood swings. I keep on feeling this constant need to find what I really want to do with my life. Yes, I love drawing and I know that I have a talent in arts… well I’m not that good at it but I am not bad either. But I can’t just rely on drawing for the rest of my life right? At some point, knowing myself, I will get tired and uninterested. I don’t want to, but I know I will. I am feeling pressured because of no apparent reason. With this in mind, I wonder if art really is my passion. Yeah I got the talent, but I don’t know if this is really what makes me happy. I don’t know why I am feeling this strong thirst for change and finding what really my passion is. I am not sure if I am just depressed or what.
I want to be better. I want to do something worthy. Not that I find drawing boring. I just know that it’s not really what drives me. I want to find a hobby that would be beneficial to me. A hobby that I’d be able to enjoy long term while learning or while doing myself a favor.
I don’t know… I feel lost. I’m sorry for this random sh*t.